Through The Looking Glass: Body Shaming & Self-Image

Today's topic: mirrors. 

No, not the Justin Timberlake song (which is amazing by the way). Just...mirrors. Like the kind you buy from IKEA. 
 

 Have you ever looked at a mirror and cringed?

You haven't even looked in the mirror yet, but something inside of you is reacting violently to the idea of going anywhere near that sheet of glass. 

It's a mirror, for crying out loud. An inanimate object. What's it going to do...bite you? Scream at you? Well...no. No it's not. So why is there fear lurking at the edges of your mind? 

You don't always acknowledge it, but it's there. The fear of what you'll see. The fear of seeing what you know will be there. 

The fear of not seeing what you hope will be there. 

Have you ever experienced body shame?

Because that my friends is what we're actually discussing today. Not the pros and cons of mirrors, not the fear of mirrors themselves, but the emotions associated with body shame. Body shame is a very real thing and it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. 

What is body shame?

To me? It's the little things. Little thoughts, little habits, that build upon one another until it's too much to bear.

Turning down a party invite because you think you look fat in every outfit you own. Wearing jackets to cover yourself even when it's blistering hot outside. Skipping meals because you want to fit into that dress you saw at the store...the one you didn't fit into. The dread you feel when you go clothes shopping. The humiliation you feel when you ask the shop assistant for 'the next size up'. Staring at your reflection and, deep, deep down, hating yourself. Wishing you were in someone else's body. 

I remember looking at myself in the mirror once and thinking "I look fat in this outfit." Only for my mother to come in, take one look at me, and go, "It looks beautiful!"

Who was she seeing? Who was I seeing? It was like all of a sudden my eyes had turned into funhouse mirrors. No matter what way I turned, I couldn't make myself see what everyone else saw. All I saw was a contorted version of myself. A version of myself that I disliked immensely.

Body shame is based off of the idea of a 'perfect image'. 

It sounds so dumb, right? And it is when you look at it. We all know that there's no such thing as a perfect image, or a perfect body. Puh-lease. We know that Photoshop exists! We know that we should love ourselves and our bodies and that comparing ourselves to others isn't healthy.

But...do we really know?

It's one thing to read about it, or talk about it. It's another to live it. I can't count the number of times I've tried on an outfit, loved it, taken it home...and then hated it. Or, more correctly, hated it on me.

Because time is our enemy. The longer we stew over something, the more those thoughts branch out, and that gets dangerous. One minute we're standing in front of the mirror, eyeing ourselves wearing that new outfit...and the next we're thinking, "I bet (insert friend's name here) would look better in this."

But why? Why? Gosh, I've struggled so much over the years to improve my self-image, my self-love. I've told myself again and again to accept my body the way it is. So why is it so difficult?

Because whether we want to admit it or not, we have a perfect image tucked away somewhere in our minds. 

Don't lie! You can probably call it to mind right now, this very second. 

Maybe your perfect image has you sporting long legs, perfect cheekbones, and Kylie Jenner-worthy lips. Maybe this 'perfect you' no longer has those thick eyebrows, or slightly longer nose, or chubby fingers. Maybe the you in your imagination is decked in designer dresses and takes long walks along the beach. 

The 'funhouse eye effect', I think, happens when we mentally superimpose this perfect image inside our heads onto our reflection in the mirror. The effect? Distortion. A twisted view of our own bodies. 

But the truth remains...that image isn't you.
 

And that is why body shame is such an issue. We foster these perfect images and constantly strive to live up to them. And we know they're not real! We know they're unrealistic! But deep down we long to be perfect because we believe that being perfect will help us to gain love, acceptance, influence...the life we want.

It's exhausting. It never ends. When does it stop, guys? What is 'perfection'? How do you know when you've reached it? Will you be happy then? Complete?

We need to re-define perfection and beauty for ourselves.

We are all beautiful. 

Look at yourself! No...actually look. Look hard. You have eyes, ears, a mouth, a nose - I mean, have you ever stopped and thought how lucky you are to have those? To have a body that supports the weight of your head? To have limbs to move and to carry things? 

You're so, so beautiful. Everything about your body is perfect because it's a part of what makes you you.

Have you ever experienced body shame? What are your thoughts on it? Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences with us in the comments section.

_________________________________

The NSRCG Project: Activity

Look at yourself in the mirror twice a day - once in the morning when you wake up and once in the evening before you go to sleep. 

During this time, think of 5 things you love about you. They could be anything - your eyes, your smile, your hair, etc. List them mentally. Say them aloud. Write them down. 

And whenever you feel that horrid body shame monster sneaking in, turn to your lists and read them. Say them aloud. Look at yourself and make yourself absorb those words. Make them real.